Broken Angel
by Teris Xenite
Summary: Logan helps Max slay a ghost from her past...and along the way both of them face their fears. Chapter 9 Zack learns the truth.
1. Broken Angel Chapter 1

Broken Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion.

Broken

by   
Teris Xenite

terisxenite@hotmail.com

Authors note: This story contains elements a bit darker than my other stories. There is nothing explict in this chapter, but there is some angst. It is M/L shipper (come on no one is really suprised at that are you?). The story is unfinished but new chapters are comming soon, right after I post the conclusion of 12 days.   
  
"Don't be scared Max, you know that I'll never hurt you. Just relax and trust me." He placed a gentle kiss on each of her eyelids and slid a soft satin blindfold over her eyes. _How on Earth did I let this happen? One minute I'm trying to apologize to him and the next he's whispering about how he thought that you trusted him.___

_Come on who are you trying to kid? It was that lost little boy look that when he told you that he wanted you to trust you with the bad things as well as the good. Yep that's the moment that you decided to do anything just so long as it would wipe that look off of his face. Not that it's the smartest thing that you've ever done, and it certainly wasn't tactically sound, but damn it what was I supposed to do? That look made me feel like I kicked a puppy or something._

She'd told them that she did trust him, and the pain in his eyes was more than she could bear when he said: "I want to believe that Max. Really I do, but how can I when you always run off the second that something frightens you? I understand that you're scared Max, but I love you and I swear to you that I will never, ever hurt you."

That was how she'd come to take the pills he'd given her. The ones that sapped her strength and left her as vulnerable as any other woman before him. Her need to take comfort in his warmth and strength led her into his embrace and to his gentle but passionate kiss. She felt her knees go weak as he held her close and kissed her breathless. She looked at him in a frightened panic. Her previous experiences had been frantic, heat induced tumbles, not the slow and gentle seduction that she was facing now.

"Sh Max it's ok, you don't have to be scared. You never have to be afraid of me I promise." Logan kissed her again trying to prove his feelings for her as words could not. Max had never realized the intensity of feeling that could be conveyed with a kiss, or the joy that could accompany a single touch. There was something powerful about being held in his arms and knowing that if he chose he could use his strength against her, but knowing deep in her heart of hearts that he would never hurt her.

Logan pressed his body close to his as they slowly danced around his living room to the strains of a waltz. Her head began to swim under the barrage of new sensations. Moving from the dance into a tighter hug he lifter her from her feet and carried her across the room still swaying to the music. He sat her down in front of the window that she'd used as her escape route the night they met.

"Did I ever tell you how much I hoped you'd come back after that first night?" Max shook her head once again marveling at the sheer masculinity of him. "You captivated me from the very first moment that I saw you." He smiled and brushed a curl of hair away from her face. "You still captivate me Max. Every time I see you, you take my breath away." _Don't run from me now Max, we're so close._

He saw her waver, then witnessed the frightened, hunted look return to her eyes. He knew that if he didn't do something she would bolt and he would likely never see her again. He kissed her again, far more gently this time. She trembled at his gentle touch and started to speak to distance herself from him. He placed a finger over her lips to still her protests. "You don't have to say anything Max. I know you're not ready to love me yet, and I can understand that. It's ok, all I'm asking is that you trust me and let me love you. Will you do that for me?"

Max bit her lip and thought about it for a few seconds before nodding quickly and he could see that she was still uncertain. "Don't worry angel, I'm not gonna hurt you I promise." He said noting her tightly closed eyes and tensed muscles. He pulled her close to him and placed a kiss on her neck then held her until she finally relaxed and leaned her head into his chest. "It's okay, we'll take this as slowly as you need to ok?"

She nodded and leaned in closer to him. "Logan it's not that I don't want to love you. I really do. I just, I just don't know how."

Logan laid his hand over her heart. "Your heart already knows the way Max, you just have to trust it." A kiss followed this proclamation, then he lay a kiss on her forehead. "I know you're scared baby, but I promise if it gets to be too much all you have to do is ask and I'll stop."

"O-ok." He pulled her trembling form into his arms cradling her like the priceless treasure that she was. His hand traced soft, comforting circles over her back and held her willing her to draw the strength to fight her fears from his love for her.

She had buried her head into his shoulder again, and her eyes were once again clenched shut. After a few moments, he felt her relax and a few moments after that she stopped trembling which he took as a good sign. He once again damned Lydecker to a thousand hells for the scars that he'd inflicted upon her. _How could anyone do such a thing to a child? A beautiful, innocent child?_

Ever since she'd told him the truth, he'd fully understood her fears of intimacy. How could she not fear it when the one who caressed her and told her she was beautiful by night was also the one who tormented her and reprimanded her by day? "Logan, I'm scared." She said in a fragile, childlike voice.

"I know baby, I know. It's gonna be alright I promise. You're safe here, and I love you no matter what, ok?" _God, please let me get this right,let this work for her sake if not mine._

She gulped back a few tears. "Ok." He kissed her gently murmuring words of love and devotion. One of his hands soon found itself buried in her soft hair running his fingers through it and gently massaging her scalp. "You are so beautiful Max, so precious, so very special to me. Nothing will ever change that I promise."

He kissed her again very softly, and brushed away a few tears that had gathered on her cheeks. "Is it ok if we go into the bedroom so we'll have more room to cuddle? I promise, nothing will happen that you don't want to."

She took a deep breath and then nodded. "Ok."

  
*That's the end of chapter one. I kept the references to a minimum but for those of you who are still curious or just need confirmation. Yes, Max is a survivor of incest and Lydecker is a sick son of a bitch. The next chapter will be more intense, you've been warned. Do not flame me and say that you weren't. Any and all feed back is appreciated. Even flames which will be used to roast marshmellows.   



	2. Broken Angel Chapter 2

broken2 Broken Angel 

Chapter Two 

By 

Teris Xenite 

Authors note: This chapter is shorter than the last one. I ended this one where I did because the next segment may contain things that would be triggers for survivors. I appreciate all of the feedback I've recieved. For the people who think I'm playing Max too meekly, that will be adressed. There are stages to grief, and when she gets to the anger stage. It will be a dozy.   
  
Logan proceeded into the bedroom looking everything from the bed to the lighting over, checking once more to make sure that the room was comfortable and hopefully would feel safe to Max. He could hear her soft foot falls behind him as he walked, and then he heard them stop a few paces behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Max was frozen at the door to his room. She met his eyes and the moment of recognizion served to reassure him that she was cognizant and not trapped in her nightmares again. 

He turned to face her and extended his hand, but he made no move towards her. "Max, it's ok. It's ok for you to be scared or sad or angry. Whatever it is that your feeling, it's ok." Her face softened almost imperceptibly but she didn't move. "I meant what I said before about us taking this as slowly as you need to. You can stop this at any time and go crash in the guest room, and I promise that I won't get mad and I'll still love you tomorrow." She nodded and took a tentative step towards him and he held his breath hoping that she wouldn't run. 

She made it halfway to him before she let out a strangled sob then turned and ran toward the guest room. By the time he caught up to her the door was tightly shut and he could hear her muffled sobs through the thick wood. "Max?" The sobs quieted as she heard his voice and silence descended. "Max? Are you alright?" 

The tear stained voice of his beloved answered his query and the sadness in her tone made his heart constrict in agony for her. "I'm sorry Logan. I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm just too scared." The sobs started again and Logan sighed cursing Lydecker and hating him for hurting her this way. For turning the vibrant, strong woman he'd known up to this point into this wounded angel simply by his presence at that genetic conference. 

"Baby, it's alright. I'm so proud of you Max. You did so very well. We made a lot of progress tonight. You are so very brave sweetheart. I love you, and I'm very proud of you." Silence once again ensued. _Well the books said it would probably be one step forward two steps back for a while._ "Max, are you ok?" 

He heard her sniffle and take a few deep breaths before she answered. "Yeah, I'm ok." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, I'm sure." 

"Ok. There are pajamas in the dresser for you. You know where I'll be if you need anything right?" 

"Yeah, I know. And Logan?" 

"Yes Max?" 

"Thank you." 

"You're very, very welcome sweetheart, goodnight." 

"Goodnight." The both stood in silence with there heads leaning against the door, the picture of two hurting hearts separated by circumstances that they were powerless to change. He had to face the fact that he couldn't sly all of her demons and that things weren't going to be like a fairy tale, and she had to realize that she couldn't just ignore her pain and that she couldn't hide from it and hope that it would go away. 

After a few moments of silence she heard him walk away and she slid down the door to her knees and sobbed. She wept for the childhood that she had lost, she wept for the fact that she was flawed, she wept for all that she had lost. And as she wept she hated herself for her weakness. 

Finally she crawled into the bed and curled up into a tiny ball, as if making herself as small as possible would erase her pain and keep her safe from horrendous memories long hidden. Finally as she lie there aching from wounds that she'd thought she'd buried, sleep claimed her allowing her it seemed a few moments peace. 

  
TBC (and this has to be the quickest I've posted on a story ever. Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming). If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is terisxenite@hotmail.com. 


	3. Broken Angel Chapter 3

broken3 Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion. 

Broken Angel 

by   
Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com 

  
**_Later That Night_**

_Her vision started out hazy almost as if she were swimming through murky water, and as the picture cleared she could see herself. She was lying on a bed and could feel his strong hands touching her even though she struggled and tried to fight off his touch. There was something in her mouth and it felt like she couldn't breathe. Her lungs were burning and she tasted blood. A touch on her face, a caress of her barcode. "You're so beautiful Max, I just can't help myself. You're too beautiful for your own good."_

Logan awoke to a choking sound coming from the guest bedroom. He bolted out of the bed and ran into Max's room to find her curled up in fetal position with tears streaming down her face. Her breathing was shallow and rapid and he worried that she would hyperventilate. "Max, Max wake up." He knew that he couldn't shake her, touching her in a nightmare this intense could do more harm than good sending her further into the dream. 

He kept talking to her hoping that his voice would reach her. Never in his life had he felt so helpless, so worthless. Never had anything hurt him this badly, not even finding out that he would never walk again. Seeing the woman he loved suffering and knowing that he could do nothing to help her save pray that she would wake was worse than any pain he'd ever experienced himself, and for the first time since his parents died he prayed. 

He prayed that he would be able to help her heal, and that someday he would be able to hold her through the night, not because she needed comfort from her nightmares but simply because he loved her and she loved him. Finally she woke and bolted upright, eyes wide with terror and gasping for breath. "Max, it's alright. You're safe now. He isn't here, you're safe. He can't hurt you here." He repeated these phrases over and over fervently hoping that he could break through her terror with his words. 

Eventually his words clicked in her mind and she realized that she was in a place very different than the one she'd just left. No one was touching her here, and there were no lies whispered in the dark. Here she was safe and warm, not hurting, scared and cold. Her hands still shook from the fear, but her breathing slowed and her eyes cleared a bit, enough for her to see Logan instead of the ghosts of her past. 

"This isn't just some nightmare is it Logan? It's real isn't it?" 

"Yes Max, it's real." 

"You know, I'd almost let myself start to hope that it hadn't really happened. That it was just some bad dream that I was gonna wake up from and be ok, but I guess that's just not gonna happen is it?" 

"No, it's not a nightmare that you can just wake up from, but someday it won't hurt so much and then you'll be ok." 

"I don't think I'll ever be ok again." 

"I know, I know you can't believe that this will ever go away, not now. But Max it will get better someday, I know it will. And until the day you can believe that, just believe in me and I'll believe it enough for the both of us ok?" 

"Ok, I'll try." 

"Now tell me what you think Original Cindy would do if you had a flashback at home?" 

"Why do you want to know that? What does Original Cindy have to do with anything?" 

"Just humor me please?" 

"Ok…I guess she'd sit up with me until I fell asleep again, or tell me a story to make me laugh." 

"Alright." He tucked the covers back around her. "Stay here for a second. I'll be right back." He squeezed her hand and walked out of the room. Max heard some clatter in the kitchen and in a few moments Logan came back in carrying a tray with milk and cookies, and a single red rose. 

"Thought you might could use a midnight snack." He set the tray on the bedside table and sat down on the bed near Max's feet. "Do you want to talk about it?" Max bit her lip, torn between wanting to let him in and wanting to keep her secrets buried. "Max? I understand if you don't want to talk about it. It's ok." Max looked at him and her eyes puddled with tears. 

"Logan, would you? Could you just hold me? Please?" He slipped behind her and put his arms around her cradling her to his chest. He held her as she cried, and rubbed gentle circles on his back and whispered soft words of comfort in her ears. After she had shed all her tears she looked at him with red rimmed eyes. "I'm sorry." 

"For what?" 

"For this, for being…broken." Her voice had tapered off to a bare whisper, and she buried her head in his shoulder. "You deserve better than that, better than me." 

"Max, look at me please." When he got no answer he tilted her chin up with his fingers. Her eyes were tightly shut silently awaiting judgment. "Max, baby look at me. Look at me please." She opened her eyes the tiniest bit and looked ready to jump out of her skin. 

"Max, never ever apologize for who and what you are. You have nothing to be sorry for. You are one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. You're loyal, and beautiful, and smart, and you're the woman I love. You're wonderful Max, and I love you today, tomorrow, and everyday for the rest of our lives." He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "Feel that Max, that's what you do to me. You make me happy, you give me a reason to wake up in the morning. And don't get me wrong, I want you and I desire you very much, but that is not the only reason that I love you. I love you for your courage, and your strength and for a thousand other things as well. And one day, you'll be able to believe that, but until then just know that you never have to apologize to me. Never, not for this." 

She smiled just a little, and he smiled in return. "Now I believe you mentioned something about a story didn't you?" She nodded grateful beyond words that this wonderful man was her friend and maybe someday something more. "Did I ever tell you about the time I…" 

TBC (Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming). If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is terisxenite@hotmail.com. I'm doing my best to make this story accurate. I've done lots of research, but if anyone knows of a good website or book please e-mail me. If anyone who's ever had a flashback wants to e-mail me...that'd be cool too, cause since I've never actually had one, I'm not sure that I got it right. Thanks for reading.   



	4. Broken Angel Chapter 4

broken5 Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if   
you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion. 

  
Broken Angel 

Chapter 4 

by   
Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com 

  
Max awoke the next morning with her head pillowed on Logan's chest with the solid sound of his heartbeat ringing comfortingly in her ears. His arms lay across her back with his hands banded together at her waist forming a circle around her as if to protect her even in sleep. Max slowly opened her eyes blinking against the bright abet rare shaft of Seattle sunshine. She tilted her chin slightly and looked at the gentle man before her. 

His face bore the marks of sympathetic tears and the dark circles of sleeplessness as she was sure her own did. But despite all of this she knew that he held her blameless. Others had tried to hold her as he was now and it had served only to them bruises and heartache as she'd rejected them. Yet with Logan it was different; she felt comfortable and loved in his arms, not chafed or confined. _I don't know what I did to deserve him, but what ever it was I'm sure glad I did it. _

At that moment Logan started to stir under her gaze. His arms tightened around her protectively and then relaxed almost imperceptibly as he realized that no malevolent threat to her safety had pulled him from dream land. "Hello my angel of the morning." Waking up with Max in his arms was definitely the way to start the day. He smiled at her and brushed a sleep tussled strand of her hair back from her face. "How are you feeling?" 

Max was silent for a moment as she seemingly took stock of her physical and emotional well being. "Better, not whole, but better." 

"Well it's a good start. Now what Cale culinary miracle does milady desire for her breakfast pleasure?" 

"Mh…Decisions, decisions. You know I think I'd rather let my gallant knight to suprise me." By this point they had broken their embrace and Logan had lifted himself into his chair. He gestured as if bowing in deference to her wishes. 

"If milady wishes it, then so be it." She sat up and stretched, and he leaned over and placed a light, playful kiss on the tip of her nose. "There's some bubble bath hiding under my sink with your name written all over it." 

"You're too good to me." He smiled and said in a cute slightly amused tone. "Never. Not if I spend my life trying will I ever be too good for you. If I'm lucky I might come close to deserving you." 

"Damn it! This is so not fair." 

"Max, what is it? What's wrong?" 

"You're perfect. You're sweet, you're considerate, you're everything I've always dreamed of and every thing I've ever wanted in a man." By this point tears were streaming down her face. Somehow he found his way to her side and gently lay an arm around her shoulders. She continued in a hushed hollow tone. "It's just not fair. I love you, and I want to love you. But every single time we get close these fuckin memories come screaming from their little dungeons in my psyche." 

"Sweetheart it's ok." 

"No, it's not ok! I want to hold you, I want to love you, but I can't. I'm broken Logan. I'm broken, and I hate it." 

"Max, will you humor me for a minute?" 

She looked at him strangely for a moment before saying. "Ok." 

"Tell me what you see when you look at me." 

"What?" 

"Tell me what you see, when you look at me. There is a point to this besides stroking my ego I promise." 

"I see a loving, gentle, kind, sensitive, intelligent, wonderful man." 

"You want to know what I see when I look at myself?" She nodded. "I see half a man, a workaholic, and a spoiled, selfish insensitive little rich boy trying and failing miserably to make up for taking his life for granted." Max started to dispute what he said but he stopped her. "Let me finish ok?" She nodded. "When I look at you I see a strong, loyal, alluring, captivating, vivacious, and utterly amazing woman. A woman that I'm proud to know, and very lucky to be able to love." He wiped away her tears with a gentle hand. "I'll make you a deal. I'll try to see myself as you see me, if you'll try to do the same?" 

"Ok…I'll try." 

"Good…now let's see about that culinary miracle that I promised." 

  
TBC 

Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming. If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is   
terisxenite@hotmail.com. I'm doing my best to make this story accurate. I've done lots of research, but if anyone knows of a   
good website or book please e-mail me. If anyone who's ever had a flashback wants to e-mail me...that'd be cool too, cause   
since I've never actually had one, I'm not sure that I got it right. Thanks for reading. There is another chapter that is only a hairs breadth away from being finished (due to Fanfic.net being down I had a lot more free time than usual so I took their advice). I just have to submit it to my muse Jenna for final approval to make sure I haven't made any glaring mistakes first...of course if I don't get reviews I may just assume no one is reading and not post it :'). Yes I know I'm evil using blackmail for reviews...but that's just the way it is.   



	5. Broken Angel Chapter 5

broken chapter5 Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion. 

Broken Angel 

Chapter 5 

by   
Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com   


Disclaimer: If you've read this far, you know that this story has angst and some ugly issues in it. Do not flame me for them at this point of the game. Save them till next week when I can use em for the weenie roast kay? 

After a more than leisurely bath and a scrumptious breakfast Max decided to head into work. Logan of course protested. "Max you don't have to go if you don't want to. I've already cleared as much time off as you need with Normal." 

"Do I even want to ask how you accomplished that?" 

"Probably not, but you could probably guess. I think he's convinced that you're not going to be working for him much longer though." 

"Really? Why is that?" 

"Well somehow he's gotten the impression that I'm well…That we are…Oh God there is no good way to say this. He thinks I'm your sugar daddy." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He knew that this would upset her after all people assuming that they were an item was far different than having them assume she was sleeping with him for his money. 

"And he thinks I'm gonna quit my job so I can shack up with you full time right? You know Normal's a complete ass, but occasionally he does have the best ideas." 

Max smiled at the look of pure disbelief on Logan's face. "Relax Logan, I was just kidding bout you being my sugar daddy. Shacking up with you….Now that's a completely different story." 

"You mean you're not upset that he thinks…well." 

"That he thinks I'm sleeping with you for money?" Logan nodded. "No, not really. You and I know differently, Original Cindy and Kendra think I'm getting busy with ya cause you're hot, and Zack…Well Zack's just being an ass about the whole thing. So since we've got all the important peeps covered, I'm not gonna stress too much over what my crusty, rhythm free, republican boss thinks about the whole thing." 

Max noticed that even though Logan appeared to be relieved that she wasn't bothered by the whole Normal thing that something was bothering him. He head hung down in seeming defeat, his brow was furrowed as if he was thinking painful thoughts, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. She replayed their conversation and mental smacked herself upside of the head. _He's upset about the whole sugar daddy thing. I should know better than to even joke about that with him._

She got up off of the couch and knelt by his chair seemingly unnoticed. Her hand slid up to his face and stroked his hair gently. "Hey…Earth to Logan. Come on Logan look at me for a second here." He slowly complied and she smiled. "That's better." A moment of silence lingered before she said, "Now while I don't give a rats ass what Normal thinks, I do care what you think about this whole thing. You do know differently don't you? You do realize that I don't see you as a meal ticket or a sugar daddy right?" There was an uncomfortable silence and she asked again. "Logan?" 

He smiled a bitter little smile and looked at her sadly. "Yes Max, I do know differently. I guess since you're the first woman in my life not to feel that way I needed to hear you say it." 

Max looked at him in disbelief and awe. _ How the hell could they hurt him like that? _ She straddled his lap and pulled him into a tight hug. "Oh Logan, how could anyone do that to you?" She felt his head come to rest on her shoulder and ran her fingers through his hair. "Logan, I'm not even going to pretend that I understand what made them treat you that way. But I can tell you without a doubt that you are the most wonderful man that I have ever known, and that you of all people didn't deserve it." 

Max held him for what could have been a few minutes, or hours she could not have said. She returned the favor he had done her the night before, and helped him bear the painful burdens of his past. Finally he pulled away from the embrace and looked into her eyes. He didn't see contempt for his weakness, or any of the emotions that he was afraid of. Instead he saw love, acceptance, and understanding. "Thanks Max." 

"You're welcome." She paused. "Now I just have one question. Are there any other girls besides Val and Daphne that I need to add to my shit list?" 

"Your what?" 

"My shit list. And while we're on the subject, I want you to promise me something." 

"I promise…" 

"You haven't even heard what it is yet." 

"Doesn't matter, I'd promise you anything." 

"Well I want you to promise me that if we're ever out somewhere and we see one of these nasty ex's of yours that you'll tell me." 

"Ok." 

"And if you know that they're gonna be there, like say at Bennett's wedding, and ya want to be really nice you'll tell me in advance." 

"Why?" 

"So I can know to put on my special Manticore issue ask kickin boots for the occasion." 

"Max…" 

"Don't Max me. They hurt you, you're special to me, I love you and therefore I want to kick their asses because they hurt you." 

_I'm special to her, she loves me! I am the luckiest man alive. _"You know Max it sounds suspiciously like you're trying to defend my honor." 

"Well seeing as you have so damn much of the stuff, you could kinda use someone to cover your ass." 

"And there is no one I'd rather have on the job than you. You know that." 

"Ah ah ah, nice try but you don't get to change the subject that easily. Promise me you'll let me know if we run into any of your old flames, please?"   
  
"Alright if it will make you happy. I promise, but I can't really say I know what you're aiming for here." 

"Simple my dear. It's hard to feel bad about an old flame after you've watched your current girlfriend hang her out of the window and tell her that if she ever even thinks of laying her paws on you again she will gladly defenstrate her gold digging ass." 

"Oh." Logan looked on in suprise and disbelief, as if he couldn't believe what she was saying. 

"Yeah, oh." Max couldn't help but smiling at him. _Damn, if I'd woulda known he'd look this cute when I threatened to drop his ex's out of the window, I'd done it a long time ago._

"You mean you'd really do that for me?" 

"You bet you're cute little ass I would. Until you say otherwise, you are MINE. Which means any other bitch that tries to come in between us is gonna meet with way the hell more than forceful resistance. And that includes the all evil ex's." 

"You know…somehow that thought leaves me feeling all warm and cuddly inside. Thanks Max." 

"No problem. Glad I could return the favor." 

"You know I don't think you need to worry about being broken, cause I'm starting to think that maybe I am too." 

"Yeah, but we're both pretty smart. I think we can figure something out." 

"You know I think you may be right." He paused for a moment as an errant ray of sunshine stuck her hair. "Do you still insist on going to work?" 

"Mh-yeah. I kinda have to put in token appearance and let em know what's up, or my peeps will be beating down your door as soon as their shift ends." 

"Alright, but please promise me that if **ANYTHING** happens you'll call me?" 

"If someone even twitches the wrong way I'll either kick their ass or call you, ok?" She noticed he still looked worried. "Relax Logan, it's just work. I'll be fine." 

"Okay, okay. I'm being over protective and stifling right?" 

"Only a tiny little bit, and only cause ya love me. So I'll let ya slide on it this time." 

"So are you coming for dinner tonight?" 

"Don't I always? It's the Manticore cat genes. Not only can I smell a culinary miracle from a mile away, I always look properly pitiful and cute to ensure that people feed me." 

"Should I get the guest room ready for you?" He asked a question that had little to do with what he really wanted to know. He wanted to know if she would still seek sanctuary from her demons in his home after the things that had transpired between them. She wasn't the only one who needed to 'test' the relationship. He never could quite believe that she wanted him. That she would want to stay. It seemed that no matter how much he heard it he still needed to hear it again. _Looks like I have some issues too._

"If you don't mind, I'd like that. I…I would kinda like to have you close to me. In case the dreams come back." 

"Of course. I'll sit with you, stay with you, whatever you need." 

She smiled at him, and they slowly leaned in closer to each other as if by instinct. Their lips were only a breath away from each other when she bolted away from him. "You know if I don't hurry up and leave for work soon, I'm not going to." 

"And that would be a bad thing?" He looked at her with utter seriousness, and uttered the clichéd line. "Come my dear let me take you away from all this." Max burst into giggles, hearing him speak the words used in countless movies in books to seduce poor, hardworking innocents into a life of sin. _Not of course that she had trouble picturing Logan seducing anyone. Seeing him as the love em and leave em type that was hard, but seduction that she could see. As a matter of fact…down girl, down. Bad Max, think ahhhh, Think Sketchy in lacy underwear._   
  
"Tempting as that offer is...it still doesn't keep my peeps from breaking down the door, congratulating us for finally figuring out   
that we ain't just friends, and then proceeding to kick both of our asses for letting them worry about me being kidnapped, or   
you having another one of those medical emergencies that sent me into a bitchy funk for a week." 

"They'd really do that?" 

"Yes, in that order." 

"Well, in that case. I guess I have to let you go, don't I? I can't have you getting that lovely derriere of yours kicked now can   
I?" 

The look he gave her almost melted her resolve. She wanted to curl up in his lap and just forget about the rest of the world, but she knew she would have to leave his apartment and the comfort that it offered. And as much as hated it, she knew the longer   
she waited the harder leaving would be. _Can't I just call Original and let her know what's up? No...I can't do that. I've_   
_gotta be strong._

Logan took her hand in his and placed a feather light kiss in the center of her palm. _ Now that's something I'm damn sure_   
_that Lydecker didn't do._ As much as he wanted to be careful with her and gentle to the utmost, recent developments were   
making it damn hard on him. The thought of her lying cradled in his arms after they made love was almost enough to drive him   
insane. _Down boy. She needs more that a good roll in the hay to make this better._ "So, any special requests for dinner   
tonight?" 

"Nothing I can think of..." Somewhere during his thoughts his hand had taken hers into his, and rubbed soft circles. She gave his hand a squeeze and turned to grab her jacket. _I so don't want to go to work. I sooooo don't want to leave._

"Max?" 

"Hum?" 

"Hurry back..." 

She smiled, "Always." Their eyes met, and they held each others gaze for an undeterminable amount of time. Then she slowly   
turned and walked out the door. She sagged against the door after she shut it and sighed deeply. _Come on girl, it's only a_   
_couple of hours. The sooner you go the sooner you can come back.___

Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming. If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is   
terisxenite@hotmail.com. I'm doing my best to make this story accurate. I've done lots of research, but if anyone knows of a   
good website or book please e-mail me. If anyone who's ever had a flashback wants to e-mail me...that'd be cool too, cause   
since I've never actually had one, I'm not sure that I got it right. Thanks for reading. There is another chapter in the works. I'm consulting my muse on it as we speak. If I don't get reviews I may just assume no one is reading and not post it :'). Yes I know I'm evil using blackmail for reviews...but that's just the way it is. Ta ta.   
  



	6. Broken Angel Chapter 6

Broken Chapter 6 Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion. 

Broken Angel 

Chapter 5 

by 

Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com 

Disclaimer: If you've read this far, you know that this story has angst and some ugly issues in it. Do not flame me for them at this point of the game. I bumped the rating up to an R. This stopped be a story for kids the moment Max acknowledged what happened. If you're under 17 and watch cable tv or R rated movies, you're still safe if I go any worse that that it'll be in a separate post. 

  
Logan watched her retreating figure and then sat staring after her long after she'd gone. _Come on man, get it together, it's only a couple of hours. You can do this. It's only a couple of hours until you see her again, you can deal with that._ He rolled to the window and looked out at the rain. _I better think up something for dinner, but what. I want to make her laugh, see her smile. After the last few days I think that both of us need that._ As he watched the rain an idea came to him as quick as a bolt of lightening. _Of course, why didn't I think of that before?_

Max headed to Jam Pony hoping that she was prepared for the barrage of questions she knew she would face after her absence. She walked in to the building and passed an oddly silent Normal, then proceeded to the break area. She paused when she heard her friends voices listening for a moment before making her entrance. 

"I'm telling you Cindy, Max is long gone. She's off somewhere shacked up with lover boy, having the time of her life, and she ain't coming back." 

"Typical low down triflin male oppion. Max may be shacked up with her lickety boo, but that don't mean that sister girl's gonna leave us hangin. She'll be back." 

"Give my homegirl a prize." The three looked on in amazement as Max bounced amongst them smiling. She looked better than she had in months. The constant stresses of her returning memories had disrupted what little sleep she normally got, and left her irritable and solemn. The stress had finally erupted when she'd had a flashback at work, leading her to Logan in search of sanctuary. 

"Now that my friends is afterglow if Original Cindy ever saw it. Alright boo, spill it. Where you been?" 

"Like we don't know Cindy!" Sketchy clasped his hands in benediction and said, "Just don't forget us poor pitiful peons, when you're living in your ivory tower with Mr. Moneybags, ok." 

"Home girl wouldn't even go there Sketchy, and don't think that Original Cindy done forgot about that bet we made. Pay up." She glared at him and he produced a crumpled 20 dollar bill. "Now let my home girl talk. Spill it boo, you and roller boy finally hooked up?" 

"Well…" Original's look was enough to convince her that, since her friends were going to get the truth from her anyway, she might as well skip the hesitation. "Sketchy was right. I was at Logan's, but don't get all nasty minded Sketch, we're not even like that." At the last part of her statement Original and Herbal raised their eyebrows as if to say 'Yeah right, if you say so, but who do you think you're kidding.' 

"At least we're not like that yet. But we're working on it." 

"Alright! You go boo!" Cindy was jubilant at the news for a moment before she realized that she still didn't know what Max had been doing. She sobered and asked, "So if you two weren't getting busy, what have you been doing for the last few days, huh?" 

"Truth?" At the encouraging nods and expectant looks she continued. "Well the truth is I had some really freaky shit happen to me when I was a kid. I thought everything was fine, and I'd almost convinced myself that it was just a bad dream. That it didn't really happen. Then one day I run into someone who brings it all back. I told Logan about it, and he tried to help me deal with it." 

"So you mean to tell me that roller boy pulls an intervention on your ass and don't expect no favors cause of it?" Max nodded. "Damn boo, the boy might actually be worth keepin. Don't guess he got a sister that plays on the all girl team?" 

"Fraid not, but I'll hook you up with his ex. Keeps me from having to pull that freaky Xena shit you love so much." 

"Really and why would you do that? Last time I checked you and Logan were 'just friends'?" 

"We're working on that too. You don't need to wait up tonight." 

"Get it boo!!!" 

"Max, may I see you in my office please?" The group started at the civil tone in Normal's voice. If they hadn't have know better, they might have likened it to concern. Max nodded stunned, and followed him to his office. He shut the door and offered her a seat, then sat down across from her. "Max, this isn't easy for me to say. I don't deal with emotions well. I know we aren't exactly friends, but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry about what happened, and that if you need anything, time off or whatever else just ask ok." 

Normal watched as she sat stupefied by the fact that her bipping boss had just offered her emotional support. He slid a book across the desk to her. "Here, I thought this might help." He watched as she took in the title and prepared for the anger he knew would come. _This isn't going to be pretty._

Max silently surveyed the book, and as her eyes took in it's title she felt anger rise within her. _'Surviving Rape and Incest by Doctor Sandi Walker', what the hell? How did he know? Is there some kind of mark or a sign over my head…Oh my god. Logan told him._ "He told you didn't he? The son of a bitch told you! I can't believe he did this…I trusted him." She sprung from the chair intent on finding some place dark and quiet to curl up in and cry her eyes out. 

"Max! Stop!" For once a tone of authority was evident in Normal's voice and Max submitted to the loud authoritative order as she'd been taught to since birth. "Max, come back here, sit down, and let me explain." She came back woodenly to her abandoned chair and sat with her hands twitching from barely contained anger. "Max first off you need to know, Logan didn't betray your trust." 

"Really? Then how the hell did you know?" 

"Because Max, I've dealt with enough survivors to recognize a flashback when I see one. And that's what you had out there last week Max, not some allergic reaction to some bad black market antibiotics." 

"So if you knew why didn't you call me on it? Why did you wait until now?" 

"Because it wasn't the right time, and I wanted to talk to my sister first." He saw her look of disbelief that he actually had a life outside of Jam Pony. "And before you ask yes I have a sister. She's a rape counselor, and she swears by that book." 

"So what? This is a family past time?" 

"In a way yes." 

"Why? What do you get out of it? Forgive my cynicism, but no one ever does anything for free. There's always a price or some reason that people don't want to clue you in on. What's your angle? What do you want?" 

"I get the satisfaction of knowing that the women I help don't have to go through what my sister did. At least not alone. As for what I want. I want to be able to turn back time and make what happened to my sister go away. But I can't, so I just have to be happy with what I can do." 

"Normal, not trying to sound ungrateful or anything, and I do appreciate your concern. But I don't really want to talk to you about this. It's just too weird." 

Normal nodded. "I understand, I thought that would probably be the case, but if you or Logan needs to talk with someone, look these people up. They're good listeners and they understand what you're going through." He handed her a business card for a support group. "Now I'd imagine that you only came to work today, because you didn't want your friends to hunt you down." 

"How'd you guess?" 

"Max, no body wants to work here. Hell I don't even want to work here." 

Max raised an eyebrow at that. "Really." 

"Yes really, but if it ever leaves this room I'll deny it. Now get out of here…" 

"Aye aye captain." Max walked out giving him an over the shoulder wave. "See ya later. Thanks." She walked up to her friends and said, "Normal actually offered me time off, I'm gonna blaze before he changes his mind." 

"Hey boo, ya wanna meet us at the Crash later?" 

"I think about it…I think Logan and I might be busy tonight though." 

"Getting busy is more like it, but it's all good boo. See ya." After Max had left Cindy, Sketchy, and Herbal walked up to Normal. "Normal, you feeling alright? Been partaking of the herbs of the field lately?" 

"Not that I'm aware of, no. Why?" 

"Cause I coulda sworn I just saw you give someone time off willingly, and I wanna know if I need to call the X-Files cause my boss has been replaced by the pod people." 

"Cindy, I can assure you that if one of you goes through what Max is having to, I will gladly give you time off without qualm. Until then here's a hot run. 454 Elucid."   


Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming. If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is   
terisxenite@hotmail.com. I'm doing my best to make this story accurate. I've done lots of research, but if anyone knows of a good website or book please e-mail me. If anyone who's ever had a flashback wants to e-mail me...that'd be cool too, cause since I've never actually had one, I'm not sure that I got it right. Thanks for reading. There is another chapter in the works. I'm consulting (more like bribing and begging) my muse as we speak. I'm not going to hold the next chapter captive until I get reviews. However I'm not gonna lie and say they aren't good motivation. The next chapter will have more Max and Logan interaction, and possiably Zack.   
  
  
  
  



	7. Broken Angel Chapter 7

Disclaimers: I don't own em....God knows I wish I did, but since I don't please don't sue me. I'm a broke college student and if you want my keyboard be warned, it'll be like getting a gun away from Charlton Hestion.   
Broken Angel 

Chapter 6 

by 

Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com 

Disclaimer: If you've read this far, you know that this story has angst and some ugly issues in it. Do not flame me for them at this point of the game. I bumped the rating up to an R. This stopped be a story for kids the moment Max acknowledged what happened. I was told in a conversation that this should be an NC-14. I think that's pretty much right. There is no graphic sex. None. Zip. Ziltch. But kids...don't read this story to try to prove you're a bad ass. It's got some ugly stuff adults have trouble dealing with. If you're under 17 and watch cable tv or R rated movies, you're still safe if I go any worse that that it'll be in a separate post. There is more swearing in this chapter...as Lydecker does finally get called on what we all think he is by now. 

Author's Note: I know I said that I wouldn't be up dating this until I finished the Twelve Days...but I opened the file and this one kinda wrote itself. This chapter is dedicated to Lareina Selena, thanks for the encouragement. 

Warning...This post does contain triggering events. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Max wasn't really sure what to do after Normal gave her the day off. First it had never happened before, and second when she had time off she usually had something planned. Be it hanging at the Crash with her peeps, doing Eyes Only reconnaissance, or helping Cindy with day to day stuff like cleaning and grocery shopping, her days were normally filled with activity. On the nights that she couldn't or didn't want to sleep she would help or visit Logan, hang around with Original Cindy, or take a ride on her baby to the needle to just forget for awhile. 

There wasn't a whole lot of time for her to think, and she liked it that way. With demons like her's and the constant questions that accompanied them, it was mentally exhausting to dwell on them. As much as she loved Logan and appreciated what he was trying to do for her, the events of the last few days left her feeling battered and raw. Dealing with emotions wasn't her strong suite, and she been doing nothing but that for the last few days. _What I want to do is grab my baby and just take her for a ride, preferably somewhere out of town so I can go as fast as I want too. Then maybe head back to my crib, take a shower, grab some clean clothes, and head to the needle._

With her plans made she headed to her apartment, dropped off her bike, picked up her baby, and headed out. In less than fifteen minutes she was through the sector checkpoint and on a deserted stretch of road with nothing but speed and sky. She never told anyone why she loved her baby so much, but she knew and that was enough. It wasn't that it was powerful, although that was a plus. 

She loved it because of the feeling of absolute freedom she had when she rode it. She felt like she was flying, and she could leave all her demons on the ground below her. One of her earliest memories was of seeing a bird fly over the fence, and envying its freedom. She swore to herself that one day she was going to be like that bird, she was going to fly over that fence and never look back. She rode her baby to reaffirm to herself that she was free, and that even though Manticore still affected her, she didn't belong to them anymore. 

She rode up to the border, and looked over into Canada remembering the times that she'd almost left Seattle, the times when she'd almost believed Zack when he warned her of the danger and fled. And as she looked at the border she smiled a smile that was both sad and triumphant. _I'm sorry Zack, but as much as I love you I won't leave. I didn't escape from hell only to have you become my jailer. They aren't going to make me run from the one place that feels like home, cause if I let them do that they've won. Fuck you Manticore, I'm going home._

She turned around and sped back to Seattle, feeling less lost and helpless than before. _Damn I needed that._ Max let out a happy trilling yell as she sped down the road. The road blurred beneath her, and in what seemed like only moments she had to slow down as she reached the city limits. _I think I'll swing by my crib, pick up my stuff, head to the needle, then go back to Logan's._

Max pushed her motorcycle through the hall and picked up her handfuls of mail that had accumulated while she'd been away. She stopped to play a game of tag with Theo's son Hector, then went to her home sweet home. She sat her baby in it's spot and brushed the dust off of it. Then she flopped down on the couch to flip through her mail. She instantly disregarded the junk mail, and the weekly plea for forgiveness from Darren. 

Then she came to an envelope that screamed…Odd…Unusual occurrence. **Who the hell do I know who uses pink, rose scented stationary? ** She tore open the envelope and pulled out and equally frilly sheet of paper. She read the introduction. **Dear Max,** _Well that's helpful I still don't know who the hell it is. _**I'm sorry that we didn't get to spend more time together last time we saw each other baby sister. I just wanted to let you know that Zack and I made it to Canada safely, and last time I saw him he was ok. I know that he's pissed right now, but he'll come around Max. I wouldn't be suprised if you saw him again soon. I hope that you're happy, and safe.** _Oh my god…Tinga. _

A burst of elation shot through her. She'd thought that she'd lost both of her siblings on that fateful night. Zack's barked admonition and warning left her thinking that he would simply write her off as a liability, and she'd thought that Tinga would remain the ever loyal and obedient soldier she'd been at Manticore, obeying Zack's orders to stay away from her. 

_Well I guess things change._ **I hope that I'll get to see you again soon, it's been way too long. Until then know that I love you baby sister, nothing in the world can change that. ** The end of the letter was a small scattering of symbols that they'd created as children. Completely eligible to all outsiders, but carrying a wealth of meaning for Max. A phone number and the message: **Call me. Love T**

Just receiving word from one of her siblings put her into a fabulous mood, and reassured her that she wasn't the only one out there looking for a connection with the others. She hummed as she showered, and then packed a few new sets of clothes and some other nessicaities that had gone by the way side in her attempt to make it to Logan's as quickly as possible. 

It had been such a simple thing that sent her running to him really. It wasn't as if she'd seen Lydecker, or anything of that nature. In fact she'd seen Lydecker without it affecting her as deeply. All it had taken was a scent. Just a simple every day scent. One of the new messengers at Jam Pony had decided he'd pick up more girls if he changed colognes. She hadn't know that they even still made the stuff, but a single whiff of the after shave that Lydecker had used was enough to unlock the gates of her memories. 

Suddenly she was back in her own private hell, cowering, trying to make herself as small as possible. Become invisible, because if she was invisible he couldn't find her, couldn't hurt her anymore. She didn't know how long she'd been like that, but when she came back to herself Original Cindy was leading her by the elbow though throngs of spectators, and yelling at Normal that Max needed a personal day due to a bad reaction to some black market antibiotics. 

Once Cindy had gotten her home, she'd tried to find out what was wrong, but after several attempts she gave up on trying to fight the haunted look in Max's eyes. "Alright boo, you keep them demons to yourself if it makes things easier, but you ever need to talk or wanna go break bad on someone's ass Original's here and I got ya back." Max had nodded, and mentioned something about wanting to talk to Logan, and woodenly grabbed a few changes of clothes. She barely acknowledged Cindy's plea for her to be careful, then taken her baby and sped off to Logan's. 

Maybe Cindy'd called ahead or maybe something showed in her eyes, but when he answered the door he'd taken her bag and led her in without question. He got her settled and then sat with her in silence until she'd been ready to speak. Finally the damn broke and all of her fears spilled out in a flurry of words and tears. She told her story in a detached manner, like it happened to someone else, save a few times when her voice became ragged with tears. She couldn't meet his eyes scared of what she would face in them, or that she couldn't continue if she saw him. 

When she'd finished she looked up at him and saw not the revulsion or blame that she'd feared but sorrow. They sat in silence and she lowered her eyes back to her lap. A moment later a creaking sound registered with her enhanced hearing and she looked over to see Logan's hands in a death grip on his wine glass. A second later it shattered in his hand sending shards of glass to the floor. _Well that's fitting, that glass looks like I feel. Guess we're both broken._

Max was stirred from her thoughts as Logan's voice filled the air. His words were low and quiet and made her aware of the fact that X-5's weren't the only one who could feel murderous rage. "Oh God Max, I'm so sorry." His voice though quiet were rough with emotion. "How could that son of a bitch do that to you?" He had pulled her to him gently caressing her back as she cried in relief. She'd told him her dirtiest secret, confessed the whole truth, laid everything bare and still he did not turn away. 

"He will never hurt you again. As long as I live and breathe Max, he will never hurt you again." There were tears in his eyes then, and they'd cried together. He grieved for the pain that she had suffered, and she cried over half healed wounds that had been ripped open again. 

He'd been beside her though the long hours of tears and the longer hours of silent grief. Always comforting, always caring. He'd been there in the darkness of the night when the nightmares that had been simmering in the bottom of her subconscious for months broke though, and had been thrown into a wall for his troubles when he tried to touching in the depths of her terror. But still he stayed. Never impatient, never accusing, never judgmental. Always there, always loving, forever constant. And that had done her more good that anything. 

She knew that it wasn't over, the scars were still too fresh, the wounds of regained memories too raw. But maybe, just maybe she could have a normal night. One not wrought with fears and pain and memories. She knew she wasn't better, but maybe she could try. Not all at once, but one day at a time. Maybe that really was the way to heal. _One day at a time. I think I can do that._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
Well that was draining. I'll see ya'll again soon with a shippery fluff chapter on the Tweleve Days. Anybody else need a hug after reading this? 

Thanks so much for the feedback, please keep it coming. It's what keeps me writing. If anyone want's to email me off list my addy is: terisxenite@hotmail.com. I'm doing my best to make this story accurate. I've done lots of research, but if anyone knows of a good website or book please e-mail me. If anyone who's ever had a flashback wants to e-mail me...that'd be cool too, cause since I've never actually had one, I'm not sure that I got it right. Thanks for reading. There is another chapter in the works. I'm consulting (more like bribing and begging) my muse as we speak. I'm not going to hold the next chapter captive until I get reviews. However I'm not gonna lie and say they aren't good motivation. The next chapter (as this was intended to) will have more Max and Logan interaction, and possiably Zack and Tinga. Oh and the next chapter or so will see a whole lotta ass kickin going on...   



	8. Broken Angel Chapter 8

Broken Angel Chapter 8 by Teris Xenite 

terisxenite@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I don't own them...I wish I did...but I don't. Many many thanks go to those who do. Suing me is pointless, I own nothing that you would want.

Author's Note: This chapter is very light on triggering events. The next one will be worse, but the characters needed a little interaction, and some down time before I venture into the really dark stuff. I'd like to thank all of you for your kind reviews *hug* they really do provide a lot of inspiration. I'd also like to remind everyone to call/write/e-mail Fox and let them know that while they may have canceled the show it has not been forgotten. For more information on the Save Dark Angel Campaign visit: http://adinfinit.net/danation/ . Or if you haven't signed the We Want Want Season Three petition, go here: http://www.petitiononline.com/save3da/petition-sign.html? .

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Logan hummed as he put the finishing touches on dinner, and smiled as he slid the containers into a picnic basket. He'd even managed to find a few novelty plastic ants for atmosphere. Well it's an odd idea, but maybe it'll get a smile out of Max. He carried the basket into his darkened living room, the only light came from several candles scattered around the room. A soft blanket was arranged under the window. It's not quite the great outdoors, but it'll do on short notice. Besides, we can see the stars better from here anyway, and do so without freezing our asses off.

Just then he heard the soft scratching of his lock being picked. It was a sound that most would be alarmed at, if they even noticed it, but some how it had become comfortingly familiar in the time he'd known Max. He'd offered her a set of keys, and she'd accepted them, but she still picked the lock. It had become almost a game with them. He would sit in wait, straining to hear the sounds of her arrival, and she would alternate between silent skill and sloppy scratching. They both knew that he only caught her when she let him, but still it was fun.

He rolled up to the door, and sat in wait to greet her. A few seconds later he was rewarded when Max walked through his door. "Honey, I'm home." She smiled and dropped her bag by the door, then plopped into his lap and gave him a tight hug. He reviewed that in his mind, for a minute wondering if he should be worried and if she was trying to hide her pain from him again. Then again, it's possible that she just had a good day. That is known to happen. For the moment just smile and enjoy the moment. You'll know if there's trouble soon enough.

"You know if going to work makes you this happy, I'm gonna have to stop getting you doctor's notes from Bling."

"Work didn't cause this…" She reached into her pocket and took out the letter. "This did. Tinga wrote me…"

"That's great Max! Did she get settled in ok?"

"Yeah…she told me to call her, and that she thinks that Zack will eventual come around. That he'll stop being such an ass about me wanting to stay here in Seattle, with you."

"Well that's a good thing…" Logan said it, but his heart wasn't in it and Max could tell.

"Logan, don't get me wrong. I know he can be an ass. But he's my big brother, and I love him. It hurts when he's mad at me."

"I know Max…and I understand. It's just hard to like someone who's constantly trying to take you away from me."

"You know what the important word in that last sentence was?" She pause a moment to let him think about it, and then seeing his puzzled look she continued. "The important word in that sentence is trying. He can try to take me away from you, but he'll fail. I won't promise that I won't ever have to leave. But if I ever do, I'll always come back. Because I need this, I need you. It scares the hell out of me. But I do."

"So do I Max…so do I. I love you, so much that I wonder how I lived with out you in my life." 

"Talk about pressure…"

Logan laughed and took her hand. "No, God no…that's not what I meant. I just meant that I'm a better person, and my life is richer for having known you."

"I owe you so much Logan…and I can give you nothing." He tilted her face up towards him so that he could look in her eyes. 

"Max, you owe me nothing. Nothing. Your presence in my life is payment enough." They sat in silence for a few seconds, contemplating the deep nature of the conversation that they'd just had. They had both started to say something, though they weren't quite sure what, when Max's stomach loudly announced that it'd been a long time since breakfast. "Looks like we'll have to continue this conversation later. I think we better get you fed before that monster gets out of there." A smile accompanied his teasing and he was pleased to see one form on her face in return. 

She slid from his lap and stood beside him. He took her hand and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. "Come on, I've got something to show you." He stroked his fingers over the back of her hand as he led her through to the recently converted area in front of the windows. He saw the look of suprise on her face when she saw what he'd done. There was a red and white checked blanket, and a wicker picnic basket set a top of something that looked speciously like grass. 

"Logan? What's this?"

"Welcome to the great out doors, minus mother nature's moods."

"And you felt compelled to do this because?"

"Because I really wanted to go on a picnic with you. But most of the pretty spots in Seattle are under police surveillance." She raised an eyebrow at that reasoning, knowing as well as he did that he could get around that if he wanted to. "Besides," He continued. "It's kind of cold out tonight and as much as I love cuddling with you, I'd prefer that the reason for doing so not be hypothermia." 

"Sounds good to me. Besides we can see the stars better from here anyway." She looked from Logan to the floor and asked casually. "Need some help getting down there?" She waited anxiously for his response, and tried not to bite her lip knowing that he'd recognize that as a sign of her being nervous . Her helping him had been a sore subject in the past, and even though they were working on it she was still a little worried that she might sting his pride.

"No, I think I can handle it. Thanks for asking though." He was working on accepting help from her, but it was hard. The smile that she gave him when he politely declined instead of biting her head off as he'd have done in the past made it worth while though. He had an ephiany at that moment. All these years he'd resisted showing weakness, per his Uncle Jonas' advice. But do I really want a life like Uncle Jonas'? The answer was a resounding no, and he vowed to make a conscious effort to avoid following his advice especially in regards to women and relationships.

He put the breaks on his chair and easily lifted himself to the floor. In the past he would have avoided doing this in Max's presence, but in light of recent events a greater intimacy had formed between them. Besides, it's not like I could say 'it's ok for you to cry and show me your weaknesses, but I'm not going to admit to having any'. Yeah that would have gone over really well. Besides she deserves better than that, especially from me. 

He was completely unaware of Max's scrutiny while he was wrapped up in his thoughts. Finally tiring of the vacant stare she waved her hand in front of his eyes. "Earth to Eyes Only…You in there?" 

"Hmm?"

"You were somewhere in outer space, and I was getting kinda lonely stuck here on Earth all by myself. Whatca thinkin about?" 

"Nothing important." He reached for Max's hand and placed a soft kiss at her knuckles. "Nothing could be more important than spending this very moment with you." He let go of her hand and poured them both a glass of wine. "Ok Max, time for dinner. Close your eyes and open your mouth, I've got a suprise for you." He noticed her freeze for a moment and then a shudder went though her at his words. "Max? Everything ok? You're shivering."

Max couldn't figure out what bothered her about what he'd just said. After all, this was Logan. She loved him, trusted him, knew he wouldn't hurt her. But all the same she shivered, and there was an unexplained tightness at the back of her throat that almost bordered on pain. At his concerned query she forced it away, shrugging it off as unexplainable. "I'm fine Logan." 

Some part of him doubted that, although he wasn't quite sure why. Something didn't seem right with this scene but he was powerless to point it out. "Are you sure? I could turn the heat up if you're cold? Or get you a blanket?"

"Logan I'm fine." 

He still didn't quite believe it. But he didn't want to upset her by insisting that she tell him what was going on. Maybe he was just imagining things. "Alright." She closed her eyes as he'd asked, but he noticed a tightness in her posture. She looked as if she wanted to jump out of her skin, but was forcing herself to remain still. He touched her cheek tenderly, and she jumped slightly at even this gentle contact. "Max…What's really going on here? Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"That's just it Logan. I don't know what's going on. I don't know how or why, it just hit me and all of a sudden I was scared again. I don't know why or what caused it, I just am." 

"It's ok Max…You don't need a reason to be scared. We can try this again another time."

"But I do need a reason Logan, when I came in here I told myself that all I wanted was one normal night with you. One night that Manticore didn't fuck with, a night my past or Eye's Only didn't interfere with. I still want that, and I'm not willing to give it up with out a reason. I'm not going to let some nameless, faceless, reasonless fear keep me from that."

"Max, you were so scared a minute ago that you were trembling. I'm not sure that it's a good idea to ignore that. Even if you can't put your finger on what it is that's scaring you, your fear is still real." 

"Logan…It's not going to go away unless I face it. I at least want to try that ok?"

"Alright, but if it gets to be too much you tell me ok?"

"Trust me Logan, if it gets to be too much you'll know." She smiled at him and closed her eyes. "Ok, lets try this again." She was still apprehensive, even though she couldn't begin to fathom the reason. She'd never been in a situation like this before, so it wasn't bad memories causing her reaction. She was with Logan, who she trusted with her life. It just doesn't make sense. She decided to shelve that line of though for the moment, and concentrated instead on keeping herself from trembling.

Logan winced as he saw the clenching of her fingers. He could tell that she was frightened, but what was he to do? She wanted to try this, and even if he had misgivings who was he to tell her that she shouldn't try to face her fears? Well lets get this over with. Maybe after we do I can calm her down some, so she can at least enjoy part of her evening. He picked up one of his suprises, a chilled chocolate covered strawberry. He reached down and took one of her hands in his, and squeezed it reassuringly. Then he pressed the fruit gently against her lips, lingering for just a few seconds before depositing the treat on her tongue.

She jumped in suprise as she felt the cold wet object enter her mouth, and then relaxed as the warmth began to melt the chocolate spreading the sweetness across her taste buds. Checking subtly to make sure she wasn't about to relieve Logan of any of his fingers she bit down on the small morsel. The crisp, cold, sweetness of the juice exploded in her mouth as she chewed slowly and swallowed. She waited for a few seconds before asking Logan if she could open her eyes yet.

Zack sat observing them from the roof across from Logan's penthouse watching them together. His hands clenched as he saw Max flinch at Logan's touch. Why is she scared of him? Has he hurt her? I swear I'll kill him if he has. Then a frown fluttered across Logan's face to be met by a small smile from Max. She still looked tense and unsure. Is he blackmailing her, forcing her to stay? Did he threaten her? Does she want to leave? 

What would make her scared of him? And what would make her stay with him if she was? A thought fluttered through his head. Exposure. He's rich enough to own the city, and he could drop a dime to Lydecker faster that she could blink. He's threatened to expose her if she leaves him, that's why she was so damn jumpy when Tinga asked her to go with us. Damn it Max, why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have helped you. You know I would have. 

Zack took a deep breath and concentrated on ways to make rich boy suffer for hurting his baby sister. While he longed to jump to the other roof, bust in through the sky light and rend Logan limb from limb, he knew that he needed more intel first. He needed to know what'd the bastard had done, what made Max so cowed and frightened. Once he knew that he could 'punish' him accordingly. Of course Max would probably be reluctant to tell him in front of Logan. Hell she'd probably be reluctant to tell him period, it was embarrassing to admit to your CO that you'd gotten yourself into a situation like this. 

Oh well, roller boy's gotta sleep sometime. And when he does, I'll talk to Max and find out what's going on. He looked at Max again, and saw that she was smiling again and that Logan looked pleased about it. It's not enough to keep her prisoner you bastard you've got to make her pretend she enjoys it too? Don't worry Maxie, I'll rescue you, and you won't have to pretend anymore. One more night and you'll be free of him. What ever you're afraid of I'll protect you, just like always. Zack almost smiled, content with his plan and sat patiently with his chin on his knees waiting for Logan's absence so he could talk with Max.

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Author's Note: That's the end for the moment. Possible events for the next chapter? Max tells Zack what's happened...any predictions/requests? Any e-mails/reviews are greatly appreciated, as well as comments or criticisms.

To get in touch with me by e-mail: terisxenite@hotmail.com . I'd also like to remind everyone to call/write/e-mail Fox and let them know that while they may have canceled the show it has not been forgotten, contact with James Cameron and the actors/crew of the series would also be beneficial as the fans weren't the only ones who were screwed out of season three. For more information on the Save Dark Angel Campaign visit: http://adinfinit.net/danation/ . Or if you haven't signed the We Want Want Season Three petition, go here: http://www.petitiononline.com/save3da/petition-sign.html? .


	9. Broken Angel Chapter 9

Broken Angel 

Chapter Nine

By 

Teris Xenite

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor have I ever claimed to own Dark Angel, Max, Logan, Manticore, or anything else that belongs to 20th Century Fox or James Cameron.  I'd like to, but I don't have those delusions of grandeur.  

Content warning: Not a pretty story folks, I'm sure you know that if you've made it to chapter nine.  Depending on the type of trama this chapter may be triggering for survivors.

Dedication: To all of the readers I've left waiting for so long, and to my best boo Kimmy.

Max and Logan talked late into the night until finally Max began to yawn.  After desert Logan had brought her a mug of chamomile tea liberally dosed with honey.  He'd placed it into her hands gently pressing them against the sides of the mug, knowing that she'd appreciate its warmth.  She'd been constantly cold lately, no matter how many sweaters she wrapped herself up in, or how many blankets he'd given her.  

_Maybe I'll sleep tonight. Max thought hopefully.  Since the memories had started coming back she'd seldom had a good nights sleep, and despite the fact that she was engineered not to need much rest the lack of it was beginning to wear her down.  Logan walked her to her bedroom door, holding her hand in his very gently.  As they reached their destination he squeezed her hand, and told her: "If you need anything, call me or come get me, all right?"_

"Ok…Thanks…"  She paused wanting to say more, but not sure what.  After opening her mouth to speak a few times, only to have to close it when she found nothing to say she finally said: "Good night Logan."  
"Good night Max..sleep well."

 Max walked through the door to the guest bedroom, and changed into her night clothes: a soft cotton camisole and loose pants that Logan had given her when she'd started staying the night with him. The soft fabric comforted her, and as she slid between the worn flannel sheets she sighed in contentment.  The soft mattress beneath felt heavenly against her and she snuggled into as she allowed the accumulation of stress to drift away as she fell asleep. 

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Zack waited impatiently as he watched Logan tidy up the apartment and ready himself for bed.  Now that he knew what was going on with Max, he wanted to get to her as quickly as possible.  Finally he saw Logan close the door of to his bedroom, then he waited twenty minutes to make sure that he had the chance to fall asleep.  He swung from the roof cutting the rope at just the right angle to land him on the balcony one floor below Logan's apartment.  He climbed up and stealthily entered the apartment, moving quickly to Max's room.   

She was sleeping soundly and he stopped for just a moment to watch her.  _She's beautiful. _Of all his siblings, Max remained the one closest to his heart.  In sleep she bore quite a resemblance to the little sister that he'd loved so dearly, and she had an air of innocence that stirred his protective instincts to the utmost.   _What ever he's done to you Max, he'll pay for.  Then it'll be just you and me, the way it always should have been. _ He placed a hand over her mouth tightly to muffle any sounds of surprise, and shook her shoulder gently.  

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Max  was floating somewhere warm.  There was sunshine here, and she was safe.  Then she felt something covering her mouth, and darkness started to drip from the sky.  She was back in the bad place, and she couldn't find her way out.  It was night, and she was running, trying to find somewhere to hide.  _Somewhere safe gotta find somewhere safe, or he'll get me. She curled up into a little ball in the corner thinking that if she made herself small enough that maybe he wouldn't see her.  She shivered and closed her eyes tight, then felt strong hands lifting her from the ground.  She couldn't fight him, he was too strong and she heard him say, "Close your eyes, and open your mouth Max.  I've got a surprise for you."  _

She couldn't breathe, and there was something in her mouth.  She tried to pull away, but hands gripped her shoulders painfully.  It hurt, she hurt, but she couldn't stop it.  She couldn't cry, because he'd punish her.  Soldiers weren't supposed to cry.  She couldn't scream, because she was effectively gagged, and no one could save her.  No one could save her from this, because no one knew.  No one knew that she'd been bad, no one knew that he had to punish her.  He hadn't told anyone that she'd been a bad soldier, and that he'd had to punish her.  Zack wouldn't know, he wouldn't be ashamed of her.  She'd do better, then he wouldn't punish her again…

"Close your eyes, and open your mouth Max.  I've got a surprise for you."  She struggled to keep her mouth closed, this had happened before.  She'd learned that none of his surprises were ever good.  She squeezed her eyes closed tightly, and pressed her lips closed as hard as she could.  She shook her head no, over and over again, but it didn't matter.  Her lips were forced apart, and she couldn't breathe, and there was something warm and thick, then the salty taste.  From blood from her lip or somewhere else she couldn't tell, and then she was choking again.  

****************************************  
Zack looked over at her in shock.  He certainly hadn't expected to be thrown on his ass tonight, certainly not by his little sister.  The same little sister who was apparently still asleep, and shaking and whimpering, curled into a ball in the corner.  _This isn't good.  What's happened to you Maxie?  He moved to her side quickly, and moved to shake her again to wake her from what was obviously a horrendous nightmare.  He tensed this time preparing himself so that he wouldn't be taken by surprise.  Before he could wake her he heard Logan come into the room._

"Max!"  He saw Zack in the floor with Max and for a bare instant relief flickered across his face.  Then he processed the situation.  "Don't touch her Zack, it only makes it worse."  

Logan was silenced as Zack slammed him into the wall.  "What did you do to her?"

"I didn't…"

"Like hell you didn't, she wasn't like this when I left.  So what the fuck did you do to her."  Max whimpered again, and started trembling harder.  Zack growled deep in his throat, and Logan had a good look at the instrument of his death.  He was slammed against the wall again, and winced both at the feeling of his back slamming into the wall and the loud shattering of the lamp that had fallen from the table Zack had jarred.  "I swear that I'll kill you if you're responsible for this."  

***********************************************

Max blinked rapidly.  She'd been lost in her nightmare, trapped in her memories, and then she heard a loud shattering of glass and woke up curled up in a ball in the floor.  _What the hell happened?_  She looked around for a clue, and saw first the broken lamp then Zack pinning Logan against the wall with the murderous intent in his eyes.  "Zack!  Stop!"

She leapt to her feet and caught Zack's arms pulling at it rather ineffectually.  "He hurt you Maxie…I don't care why.  I don't care how.  He hurt you.  And he damn well will pay for it."  Max tugged at him harder briefly noting the pain that flashed in Logan's eyes at the accusation. 

"No Zack…he didn't.  He didn't hurt me."

"Then what the hell was that?"  He gestured with his head towards the corner.  "You were terrified Max.  That doesn't happen without a reason.  And since I know for a fact that you weren't having this problem last time I was here, miracle boy here has to have done something in the meantime to cause it."  He looked down at her tenderly.  "You don't have to lie for him Max.  Whatever it is, I'll help you fix it.  I promise."

"Zack…I'm not lying for him.  He didn't hurt me.  I'll explain everything, but let him down please?"  He wavered indecisively for a moment.  "Please Zack…" 

He'd never been able to say no to her when she'd used that voice.  It was softer than normal, had a slightly pleading quality to it, and had always turned him inside out.  Reluctantly he let Logan down, but pinned him with an icy glare.  "This isn't over yet."  He turned to Max, reached to wipe away her tears, but froze as he saw the same flinch that he'd seen with Logan earlier.  "Maxie what's wrong?  What happened?"    

"Zack could you give us a minute?" Zack glared at Logan for that suggestion, but Max quickly nodded.  

"It's ok Zack, I promise I'll explain, but I need a minute to pull myself together ok?"

He looked at her with those beautiful eyes that he loved so much filled with tears, and he decided to humor her, anything to make her stop crying.  He hated it when any of his sisters cried, but with Max it was beyond any torture Manticore could have devised.  "Alright, but I'll be right outside."  He glared at Logan.  "And if you even look at her the wrong way, you're going to wish I had killed you a few minutes ago."  Logan nodded his agreement, and Zack left the room mildly mollified.  

*****************************************************

Max closed the door behind Zack, and then collapsed sobbing quietly into Logan's waiting arms.  "God Logan, how do I tell him this?  I never wanted him to know." 

"Baby it's ok…he loves you.  He is not going to blame you for this, because it's not your fault." 

"That's just it Logan, he's not going to blame me.  He's going to blame himself, for not being able to stop it."  She sniffled and then laughed bitterly.  "You know that's one of the threats the bastard used to keep me from telling anybody.  He told me that I'd been a bad soldier, and that Zack and the others would be ashamed of me if they knew.  He said if I did what he wanted he wouldn't tell him."  

"Max…" He rubbed her back slowly in soft circles.  

"Logan, please don't tell me it's going to be ok.  Because right now I'm about as far from ok as I can get."  

"Alright I won't tell you, but what can I do?" 

"Could you go check on Zack for me, he should be ok now.  I'll keep an ear out, but I really need to be alone for a few minutes."  

"All right sweetheart, call me if you need anything ok?"

She nodded.  "Ok."

*************************************

Logan exited the room with his hands up in the classic 'it's not my fault don't kill the messenger' position.  "Alright miracle boy, what the hell did you do to Max?"  Zack growled, and Logan just managed not to gulp nervously at the feral look in Zack's eyes.  

"I didn't do anything to her.  I would never do, even think of doing anything that would hurt her like that." He gestured with his hand towards the bedroom.  "Believe me or don't, but I love her.  I would never, will never hurt her like that.  And if I do, you won't have to come looking for me, I'll find you." 

Logan met his searching gaze, and finally Zack nodded reluctantly.  He hated to admit it, Logan was telling the truth.  He hadn't done this to Max, which would have made things so much easier.  He could have killed Logan, taken Max on the run with him, and everything would have fine.  But now…now wasn't the time for wishful thinking.  Now he had a sister who was about six feet from the edge.     

Satisfied that Zack was not an eminent danger, Logan brushed past him.  He quickly found a bottle of strong whisky and a shot glass.  He plunked them down on the coffee table in front of the couch, where Zack had reluctantly settled.  "You might want to fortify yourself.  What's she's got to tell you, it's not pretty." 

"It'll take a little more than what's in that bottle to get him anywhere close to fortified Logan, but it's a nice gesture." 

Zack's eyebrow rose in disapproval.  "And you would know this how?"

"What?  You think that I've never tried to get my drink on?"

"I was hoping.  Now what's going on?  What is it that you need to tell me?"  His eyes met hers, and softened.  "What happened to you Maxie?"  She sank slowly onto the couch next to him, and curled her legs up underneath her.  That in itself was a bad sign, she and Jondy both did that when they were afraid. She looked so nervous, and so closely resembled the little girl who'd crept into his bed to listen to Ben's stories in the still of the night.   

"It happened a long time ago…I made myself forget, just like they taught us.  Because if I didn't remember, it wouldn't hurt.  But now I remember again, and it hurts."  Her voice was so soft, so fragile.  She sounded broken, she wasn't supposed to sound broken.  She hated it, she hated being weak. "It hurts and I hate it, because I'm supposed to be stronger than this!"

Zack moved to pull her close, wanting to comfort her, but pulled back as if burned when she frowned and flinched.  "What hurts Maxie?  Tell me what's wrong, you've got to tell me so I can help you fix it."  He looked at her then, his eyes so filled with love, and she just couldn't bare it. She closed her eyes tightly, and tried not to cry.  "Zack…no one can fix this.  No one, not even you."

"You don't know that until you let me try."

"Remember how you always used to stand between me and Lydecker during observation missions?"  He nodded, his confusion written on his face.  "Why did you do that?"

"I don't know.  I just never liked the way he looked at you, it was always different.  He never looked at you the same as he did the rest of us, and I wanted to keep you safe."

"I guess part of you knew even then."

"Knew what Maxie?"  

"You were right Zack, he always did look at me differently than the rest of you.  Told me that it'd always be our little secret, and that no one ever had to know.  That as long as I was a good girl, he wouldn't tell you that I'd been a bad solider, and you'd still be proud of me.  You and the others would still love me, all I had to do was keep quiet."

At this point she was crying again, silent trails of sorrow streaming down her face.  He reached to touch her slowly, carefully this time, and she didn't flinch away.  She let him brush away the tears, but wouldn't look at him.  "I can't…I can't…I can't…"  She pulled away from him roughly, and pulled her knees up to her chin, and wrapped her arms around them tightly.  Then she shook, trembled like she had earlier in the corner.  Trembled with her face pressed against her knees and shielded from view by the long strands of  her hair. 

She continued so softly that only Zack could hear, and even that was through sheer panicked effort.  "Can't tell you, said it would always be our little secret, but why do I have to remember…why don't I get to forget?"

"Maxie…listen to me.  What ever it is, you can tell me.  Nothing, nothing will ever make me stop loving you Maxie.  Nothing.  Now tell me what happened?"

"I can't…I can't…"  She kept repeating the two words and started rocking back and forth on the couch.  "I can't…I can't…I can't tell…"

"You don't have to tell me Max…I know."

She looked at him with the stunned eyes of a wounded doe, and asked.  "You know?"

"I didn't…not really, not before this.  But I suspected.  It's part of why we escaped.  I knew something bad was going on, I just didn't figure out what until afterwards." She flinched away and leapt from the couch as if stung when he tried to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.  "It's ok Max…It'll be ok." 

Words that neither man in the room could understand flew from her mouth punctuated by sobs, and she sank to the floor, curling once more into a ball and hiding her face.  Logan met Zack's eyes, and when neither of them could comfort her with words both sank to the floor with her, and did the hardest thing that she could have asked of them.  They held her, sandwiched safely in between them, and let her cry.  

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Thanks for reading every one.

As always comments or complaints can be sent to : terisxenite@hotmail.com


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